Monday, March 14, 2011

BRAVO/HELL NO 3/6/11 - 3/13/11

And so we continue. The second installment of Bravo/Hell No––The segment where I comment on the 3 people/things/events from the prior week that I feel were robbed of their deserved applause and the 3 people/things/events that I feel dodged an equally deserved scolding. Now, let us begin...

BRAVO to The Donnis Trio

I am a tad under the weather at the moment. I have been for a few days now. Consequently, I haven't accomplished much except sitting, eating, sleeping, and staring at Facebook/Twitter (rarely posting or tweeting). While staring at  Facebook, I stumbled upon a link to this little gem. (Website link in the name).

A very chill, relaxing band, who were apparently a 1-album wonder. They are on iTunes, so you have no excuse to not check them out. I can really see them appealing to anyone of any taste (that is, besides the Jersey Shore, club head, douche bag crowd). So, basically, as long as you can name at least 4 states in the USA, count to 20, and you don't shop at Armani Exchange... than you SHOULD like this group.

HELL NO to Bathroom Ads.

Fun Fact: The average individual is exposed to roughly 5,000 ads a day. From billboards to bus stops, T.V. to your cell phone applications, advertisements hunt you down and make you read the pitch or promotion no matter where you turn. It used to be that the only place one could hide from the constant brain-berating ad stimulus was in a bathroom stall... not anymore.

Now, thanks to an advertising firm in North Carolina, you now have to view an ad for a Big Mac while your colon is punishing your anus for eating one.

BRAVO to Tiki Barber.

A little of 4 years ago, Tiki Barber, former New York Giants running back, retired from the NFL and began broadcasting for NBC.

Fast forward to last Wednesday, TIKI RETURNS!

Some were skeptical of his choice to return and ridiculed him for ever leaving.

You know who else they did that to? Brett Favre. THE BRETT FAVRE who came out of a (seemingly) 3-week-long retirement, played a mediocre season with the Jets and then had a career year with the Minnesota Vikings.

Tiki is simply following in Favre's foot steps. In fact, I will predict his future:

This year (if the NFL does have "a year") Tiki will ride some bench, a rookie will get injured in week 9 or 10, and Tiki will start and dominate. He will then sign a large 2 year contract in the offseason with a different team and mid-way through the second season... SURPRISE! He will pull a Bretty Favre, snap a picture of his dang-a-lang and retire in shame to some house in Bamblefuck, USA.


HELL NO to people eating fecal matter.

I am a very large promoter of freedom of speech. In fact, I believe that many of the greatest comics/writers use "curse words" in a way that adds to the scene, character, and/or joke. However, I do believe that there is a fine line between freedom of speech and absurdity. 

This Australian girl apparently struggles to walk said fine line, let alone find it.

BRAVO to crackheads.

I understand that crackheads are typically frowned upon for... well, smoking crack. Though, I think we overlook their best quality; crackheads are amazingly inventive when it comes to finding jobs.

Let's be real, based on America's shitty job market, at least 10 of my blog readers are probably unemployed. Did any of you unemployed readers ever think once about being thrown 23 feet and 9 inches so that you could pay the electric? I bet not.

HELL NO to My Last Name.

Yes, HELL NO to my last name! Why? Well, due to the fact that it is an old, Southern racial slur, I scored 8 points with it while playing Scrabble.

That's great! He scored 8 points with his last name is Scrabble! You may be saying to yourself or a loved one.

And you'd be right to do so because that is a nice perk, but I have taken a great deal of ridicule for my last name since leaving Lake Zurich. Example, last Mother's Day (Fake Holiday... sorry, Mom, if you read this) I had to endure an extra 15 minutes at a Pandora Outlet, while the sales person called up her friend using the store phone's speakerphone to laugh at my name before ringing up the purchase. Her parting words were, "Hahahaha... if you went to my school... your ass would have been beat! Hahahahaha!"

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